I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
