Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
