you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Randomize
