dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
