Where did you get a picture of my penis
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So. Much. Porn.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
