i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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