If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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