i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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