You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
