i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
