You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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