you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
