just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
