New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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