wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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