I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
