she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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