You can't special order awesome
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
