You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
did i just pee glitter
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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