Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
