ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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