I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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