her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesnโt mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. Youโre flying for two weddings. Youโre gonna need that first class.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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