everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
