I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
