i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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