When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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