i barfeds in our rink
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
