Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
