He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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