I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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