Your face is a jimmy john
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
