my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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