What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
