He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
