sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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