thus making me awesome and them whores
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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