I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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