Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
