I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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