I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
