Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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