there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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