she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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