i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize