Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
