If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
