I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
