i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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