okay pat passed out under dana's car
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
