I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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