ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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