just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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