just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
