Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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