i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
