Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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