I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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