I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
