i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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