So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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