Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
this is an emotional support booty call
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
