i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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