Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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