Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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