I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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