I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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