We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
