I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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