they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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