like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
