the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
