just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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