When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I checked into jail on foursquare
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
