then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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