I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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