Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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