just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
