my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
