She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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