My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
