A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
