my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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